By Steven Plaut
It has been quite a while since we devoted an incitement to the subject of the Boojoos. Boojoo is shorthand for Buddhist Jew. The BOOJOOS are people who take vedic forms of paganism and dress them up as an "alternative" form of Judaism. The Reconstructionist Deconstructionists are among the better-known examples of the movement. But of course the most important Boojoos are the Woodstockischer Hassidim, a small cult group that reads Tikkun Magazine and follows the teachings of people like Michael Lerner and Arthur Waskow, the Rabbi Cheech and Rabbi Chong of this great movement.
I assume you are all familiar with that towering achievement of the intellect, Tikkun Magazine. Tikkun is the magazine for Jewish fossilized 60's radicals and new-wave pseudo-religious mystics, the main vehicle of expression for "PC Judaism", that is, the school of thought that holds that Judaism is nothing more and nothing less than the PC Leftist political agenda. It is edited by 60's Radical Michael Lerner, and hosts Israeli far-Left journalists (mostly from Haaretz), Hippy-Rabbis ("Mitzvahs for McGovern"), people like Arthur Waskow (who is founder of the tree-hugging branch of Judaism), etc. Its logo should probably read, "Like heavy, Dude, this Judaism is really great dope!" Anyway, Tikkun editor Michael Lerner was in the news back in 1992 after Clinton won that Presidential election. The reason is that Lerner was apparently Hillary Clinton's favorite Jew. After the election, Hillary made Lerner her official guru, and together they rambled about the nation promoting Lerner's religion of "The Politics of Meaning". This, you will recall, is basically the promoting of PC politics clothed in pseudo-religious symbols and imagery. Lately Hillary distanced herself from Michael of Meaning, apparently because even the hillbillies in Arkansas were starting to make fun of him around their stills.
So what became of Lerner? Well, a team of analysts has just completed an exhaustive study and has reached the incredible and serendipitous conclusion that Michael Lerner has been the person inside the children's TV character Barney the Dinosaur. The first clues were that Barney and Lerner seem to have somewhat similar bodily dimensions and both have that big overbite. But what gave it away was the fact that Barney has been preaching the Politics of Meaning from PBS television stations to masses of unsuspecting children. Indeed, the entire essence of the Politics of Meaning is expressed in the theme song: "I wuv you, You wuv me, We're a Happy Famil-wee."
When confronted with this and asked whether that song was the elaboration of the Politics of Meaning for Children, Lerner hesitated and said, "Yes, well, er, no. Actually it is the full elaboration of Politics of Meaning for adults as well."
Meanwhile, as your faithful correspondent on the spot, we have gotten hold of advance galleys for the forthcoming issue of the Hippy-Jewish far-Left Tikkun magazine and it promises to be a lollapalooza. I thought you might enjoy hearing about what our Boojoo brethren have in mind for their next work of progressive loving-and-caring politics of meaning.
The cover article will be entitled, "Shatnez for the 21st Century", written by Rabbi Michael Moonbeam. In it, he argues that just like vegetarianism is the ultimate form of kashrut and the truly highest spiritual fulfillment of Biblical kashrut laws, so nudist davening is the ultimate and highest fulfillment of Biblical laws against shatnez, the mixing of fibers in garments from certain sources. He argues that progressive Jews should adopt the habit of congregating in minyans in the nude, other than wearing the requisite tallis and yarmulka.
In the second article, Rabbi Arthur Woodstock devotes a full 16-page article to the question of Cannabis Smoking on the Sabbath. He points out that while in the past it was believed that Torah rules prohibit all lighting of fire, including for smoking, on the Sabbath, Rav Woodstock has concluded that smoking of marijuana is not only permitted for the Sabbath, but downright mandated.
Oh, I have discovered a song that is the Tikkun official ballad, taken from the important textbook, "Customs and Ceremonies of the Woodstockischer Hassidim", authored by the famous Woodstockischer Admor Shlita of Philadelphia. It goes to the same melody as Puff the Magic Dragon.
Puff the Pothead Rabbi,
Lived on LSD*,
And Frolicked on the Internet,
And Preached Ecology,
Little Michael Lerner,
Loved that Rebbe Puff,
And Gave Him Lots of Tikkun Space,
To Preach His PC Fluff.
A Rabbi's Fame's Forever,
But Not so Little Puff's,
And Mikey Lost His Meaning,
When Hillary Said Enough,
Puff came to Console Him,
With Bible Talk Atoned,
Together they got spiritual,
Like Moses they got Stoned.
Oh, Puff the Pothead Rabbi,
Lived on LSD*,
And Frolicked on the Internet,
And Preached Ecology.
[LSD = Limitless Silly Discourse]
And now from Sioux City, Iowa, Pants Productions brings you live from the Ed Sullivan Theater: The Late Show, with Dave Letterman. Tonight's Top Ten List. Tonight, Dave brings you the ten recent feature articles appearing in Tikkun magazine:
10. Why the Yom Kippur services should be conducted only in Black English.
9. How to hide psychedelic drugs in tefillin boxes so's the pigs don't catch you.
8. Jewish symbolism in the film "Easy Rider".
7. The pros and cons of bathing for progressives.
6. What to order when you take an African-American militant to lunch.
5. Why dolphins should be allowed be ordained as Rabbis.
4. Plans for establishing a Vedic Rabbinical Seminary.
3. Why Jews should show solidarity with life forms on Vulcan.
2. Planting trees for peace in Baghdad.
1. Joycelyn Elders takes over as Editor of Tikkun and replaces the Politics of Meaning with the Politics of Self-Feeling, but no one notices the change.
Finally, It has occurred to me that many of the members of the editorial board of Tikkun magazine, not to mention most of their readership, must be pushing 65 years old. Think about that. Well I have, and I think that there are a number of fine business opportunities, selling products to the geriatric hippies and menopausal Marxists of this fine magazine. I am now looking for some partners to go in with me in these ventures, developing products to sell to the Tikkun readership, advertising in the magazine. Anyone with some idle capital, give me a buzz. Here are the projects I have thought of so far:
1. A book of recipes for preparing hashish brownies laced with Metamucil, just the thing to keep you a regular revolutionary. They will also be sold at the new progressive bistro we will open, to be called Chez Che.
2. Bob Dylan bunion cream, so that you will not need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.
3. Macrobiotic Grey Poupon, to be passed back and forth from designer VW vans of psychedelic yuppies, and Oh The Colors The Colors.
4. Jerry Garcia Geratol Tablets.
5. Ho Ch Minh Hernia Halters.
6. Huey Newton Shuffleboard Set.
7. Jimi Hendrix Hearing Aid, with special microcassette that plays The Wind Cries Dentures.
8. Special Revolutionary Remake VCR tape of Leave it To Beaver, with a progressive Cleaver family. In this special tape, Ward and June drop out, turn on, and then go to Cuba to cut cane in the Vencemeros Brigade with their boys, Beaver, Wally and Eldridge.
9. Malcolm X Lax.
10. Preparation Ho. (Short for Preparation Ho Chi Minh) This is the perfect treatment for progressives and hippies at the ends of their trails to reduce painful swelling and itching at the ends of their trails. For those whose Mekong Delta is backed up, see previous product.
11. Bumper stickers and progressive lapel buttons that say: "Flower and Flatulence Power"